redbloodedamerica:

The Straw Ban Fallacy

Now, one of the primary arguments against straws.  We’ll go over them one by one.

First, accessibility.  A lot of people feel they are just too easy to get.  And I will admit that earlier today I walked into Party City and walked out with over a hundred straws and no one even asked me for an ID, no background check, no nothing.  So, we could ban the straws, but even if we did that today that wouldn’t do anything about the straws that are already out there.  There’s millions and billions or maybe even trillions if you count the ones out on the street without any serial numbers.  And there’s no way to get those back.  Whether they’re stuck in the drinks of average everyday Americans or stuck right up the nose of some cute little baby Filipino sea turtle.  Okay?  So we can’t do anything about that.

Next issue: training.  A lot of people think that you can just pick up a straw and turn it into a deadly weapon, but as an

Ameri-Do-Te

Specialist I know that it takes years of training in order to use it effectively.  For instance, an amateur could come in here and pick this up and not even know how to clear a feed jam.  You ever get a feed jam when your your smoothie isn’t smooth enough and you jam it down in there and like a little piece of strawberry gets caught inside it and you can’t get any air?   See?  They wouldn’t know what to do. 

Finally, there’s the issue of modifications.  Some people out there support the idea of limited capacity straws that will only allow a certain amount of fluid to flow up into your mouth, but a lot of people know that if you just get on the interweb and you look around you can instantly find plans that show you how to modify a semi-auto straw into a fully auto straw in seconds.  That’s what we’re going to do right now.  We are going to test the lethality to prove how deadly a straw is.  That’s going to be me and my straws against Todd and his AR-15.  A little straw-down…a quick straw…strawmageddon.