I always get so confused when people say NFP is too hard because they can’t abstain during the fertile periods. I don’t have a lot of trouble with that and it makes me wonder if I’m not attracted enough to my husband. Is something wrong with me?

caffeinatedcatholic:

No. There is nothing wrong with you. Some women have less of a sex drive than other and it also depends on so many factors. If you’re taking certain medications or struggling with mental illness or if you’re even just stressed about anything, that can affect it. BUT!!!!! Even if these things are a factor, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you! It’s not your fault and you arent obligated to conform to a certain standard within your marriage.
I honestly really struggled with this when I first got married and really bought into the lies that porn culture and mysoginy taught me. That I should be able to please my husband at the drop of a hat–if I want to or not; or that I’m less of a woman if I don’t feel hot and bothered all the time or if I just don’t feel sensual a majority of the time. Or that a man will leave you if he’s not getting enough attention in the bedroom.
And when I told my brand new husband about how I was struggling with this? When I told him I felt bad bc I thought i wasn’t giving myself to him enough? He was horrified. He told me he never expected any of those things of me and never thought of me that way.
It took me quite a bit of time for me to throw those “standards” and lies away and accept myself and my moods for what they are and just as a natural part of me. And without that pressure, our time together and the way we related to each other became so much more meaningful and beautiful, and we were able to learn more about each other with so much more freedom.
I’m sorry to any of my followers who may not be married or who are and think this might be inappropriate. But I feel very strongly about talking about things like this bc I feel like I spent so much time being unhappy with myself for no reason. No one told me any of these things when I got married. No one told me that it’s NORMAL to go at your own speed and that how frequent you want sex has no bearing on how much you love your spouse or how good a wife or woman you are.
Anon, you’re normal. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. This might be something you continue to struggle with for a long time, it doesn’t click right away. It can become a very deeply embedded insecurity, it was for me. And really the only person that helped me heal and who even could have was my husband.
Talk to your husband. Ask him how he feels and tell him what you’re thinking. More than likely he’ll tell you he loves you and would never want you to give yourself to him for any other reason than you wanting to, that it’s ok if you say no some nights, that it’s ok to just snuggle and fall asleep reading together or watching TV. He isn’t going to say you should be doing a better job. He isn’t going to say if you dont have sex with him, it means you don’t love him.
God gave you to each other, sex drives and all. And part of marriage, as annoying as it is sometimes, is figuring out that rhythm between you that works the best so that NEITHER of you feel pressured. Your husband understands. Guarantee it. You’re fine. You’re perfect. You’re normal.