redbloodedamerica:

Leftese Dictionary: H is for Hollywood

Hollywood is where reality goes to become leftist.  Everywhere else on earth reality is conservative.  In reality, America is a force for good and has had a hand in securing the freedom of every single free person on earth.  In reality, free markets, free speech, and freedom of worship make people richer, happier, and more productive.  In reality, punishing criminals harshly leads to less crime, racism is harmful whether it favors whites or blacks, manly men and womanly women makes stronger families with happier children.  In reality, faithful marriages lead to healthier and better sex, and worshiping God gives life meaning and purpose.

But that’s only in reality, and reality is hard and unfair.  That’s why we have Hollywood.  In Hollywood, everything is different.  In Hollywood, America is bad, and it transforms nice people like Matt Damon into assassins, and then hurts innocent Muslims who are just minding their own business.  In Hollywood, free markets are mean, and so wise politicians have to take businessmen’s money away and give it to the right people…as long as no one takes away the money of the people who are in the business of making movies – that would be wrong.  In Hollywood, the best way to have sex is with a woman you met two scenes ago who knows how to fall backward in slow motion onto a bed while magical music plays from somewhere…don’t try this at home.  In Hollywood, religious people just go around hating gays all day, unless the religious people are black then they sing gospel music and everything’s great.  

History becomes leftist in Hollywood too.  In real history a communist killed President John F. Kennedy because Kennedy was anti-communist.  In Hollywood history, like in the movie JFK, a conservative conspiracy killed Kennedy because he was trying to end the war in Vietnam.  In real history, President Jimmy Carter’s sanctimonious naivete and incompetence led to the Islamist takeover of Iran and the taking of American hostages.  In Hollywood history like Argo, Carter was a dignified visionary leader who ended the crisis peacefully.  In real history, America has battled oppression in the form of communism, Nazism, and Islamism.  In Hollywood history, from Casualties of War to almost every movie about the war on terror, America is the oppressor invading countries and killing indigenous people, because that’s just the way we roll. 

Boy oh boy, that Hollywood.  It has been so successful at making reality and history leftist that reality and history would actually be leftist if it weren’t for the fact that reality in history remain reality and history…no matter what Hollywood says.

‘H’ is for Hollywood.